From "Kunyuni (Pirating in hostel) to "Kunguni" The chronicles of a Fresha the Easter Edition.
For those who have been following the tribulations of been an illegal student in the Hostel, know that i was given marching orders in full glare of the public. With all my belongings packed in a green paper bag, I was ready to start a new life. I decided to die for three hours and resurrect more lively and vanished from the Hostel compound just like Jesus Christ did a day like today.
Final destination, HURUMA a.k.a sympathy, a.k.a Nairobi half life a.k.a Dandora ni hapa tu, a.k.a bedroom ya Mathare na Korogocho a.k.a live at your own risk. Huruma is a swahili word that can be loosely be defined as sympathy. It is used to describe people who have lost hope and they are living by the mercies of others. Wait a minute bruh, do not get it twisted and think of Huruma as a place for the dead. Actually, it is among the most populous areas in Nairobi accommodating an array of individuals from all walks of lives. It borders the Moi Base Air-force, the one and only Eastliegh estate, MFA, Drive inn estate, and the home of counterfeit products, Kariobangi. By now you know why Huruma was my place of choice, the cost of living is next to zero and living standards are substituted to leaving the standards. You simply get what you want at any cost,even women.
Securing a room was easier than finding a washroom for only $20 a month. One major problem is that i paid for the room without physically visiting the area. Chineke, never try this at home. There are numerous placards placed by the roadside advertising vacant rooms at very affordable prices. You are only required to call the phone number left on that placard. Since it was getting late, bearing in mind that i was chased from the hostel by mid-day, I had to do things in a rush. The matatu number en-route to Huruma is 46 but you can board any vehicle that uses Juja road past mathare slums. The first thing that caught my eye was the vastness of mathare slums or lower Muthaiga if you like. It is quite a populous place that embraces the face of sympathy and needy people who are requiring aid. I held my head up high thinking that Huruma was a better place, but to my shock, the situation was a simultaneous equation.
Back to the room, I quickly rang the phone number that was on one of the boards. "Njitagua kamau urenda atia", Jesus who told these house agents that Kenya has only one vernacular language that they address everyone in their mother tongue. After the dilly dallying, we agreed on a single room that i could be paying 2000 Kenyan shillings a month. Due to the urgency involved, I had to send him the money in order to avoid any other customer surpassing me. It was a sweet offer, i thought, i voluntarily sent him the money. On top of that, he needed 500 shillings so that he can escort me to the house. Why should he be paid extra money and yet it was his work, was he a tour guide, or was it a bribe? i pondered. This was robbery without violence just like Willy Paul and Bahati chronicles. ("I hear that Willy Paul has become a professional thief stealing people's songs even the book of songs of Solomon from the Bible, that is a by the way). However, since i had paid for an unknown and imaginary house, i had to comply with the rules for he was the only lead to it.
One problem solved, i felt refreshed though the foul odor kept on disturbing my nostrils. The next agenda was to secure an object to be sleeping on. My deteriorating financial stature could not allow me to purchase a mattress from the shop. But i was advised that Kariobangi was the home to any human need, so they sold second hand products which were ferried to a certain point in Huruma and i was directed to the specific place. With a feeling of ecstasy that i was soon going to have an independent room, i swung like a pendulum or the bell gong during the lunch hour back in high school. Jesus Christ, the so called mattresses looked older than my grandparents. They had changed from, beige, to brown to a reddish color that symbolized the highest level of unhygienic conditions. Their prices ranged from 200 to 2000 depending on their sizes and their level of dirt. Since OMO says dirt is good, i purchased one. I carried it on my shoulder towards our rendezvous with the house agent. To my surprise, he was already there waiting for me. Before he even greeted me, "I hope umebeba pesa yangu." I hope you have carried my money...Ukikuyu itatua watu wa nyumba..
We accompanied each other as i was being escorted to my new home. A place to lay my back without anyone disturbing my comfy nature. My eyes were juicy with tears of joy as we approached a well refurbished flat with a mix of colorful paint that ware eye-catching. it looked well furnished and very clean. It had a well kept environment and a strong perimeter wall. I felt much better as we approached the purple, gold coated with a silvery lining gate. The soldier opened it warmly as he received us, my heart felt relaxed.
OMG, Kamau was going to pick something from the soldier, that was not our apartment. I felt really depressed as we left the apartments and went to an old, dirty environment that had accommodated a lot of people. The place was very noisy and everybody stared at you as if you had a swollen forehead. On the corridors, kids were playing, their parents stretching their legs on the way without acknowledging the presence of a visitor. The place looked disgusting as the drainage system was not working properly and a funny stench could be felt from far. I was shown my room which was dustier than a rough road. When i went to fix a bulb, that is why i noticed why everybody was seated outside. These are the houses where the caretaker switches off the electricity during the day in order to save costs. I was completely misplaced and my mind was building up with anger as i remembered that cheap is expensive...
If you want to know what happened next as we enjoyed a deluxe night with bedbugs, keep it The Chronicles..
BAKE Tracker
Monday, 6 April 2015
Sunday, 5 April 2015
GARISSA ATTACKS...The Chronicles of a Fresha
Today the chronicles of a Fresha takes a twist to offer final respect to the comrades who met their demise by the hands of terrorists in Garissa, kenya. The Garissa University College massacre is the most gruesome in the history of Kenyan attacks other than the 1998 bomb last. At least 147 souls are now departed through an attack while they were sleeping. Several families are wounded, suffering from psychological disorders, emotional imbalance, financial distraught, lack of hope, and survivals are prone to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorders. It is with a hefty and sorrowful heart that today i dedicate my prayers to these innocent Kenyans who have to go through these while the rest of the world is feasting and enjoying the Easter holidays.
The chronicles of a fresha publications from the management, characters, author, make-up artist, editor, producer, director, sponsor, camera-man (of which they are all under one person) and all my readers, "May God find favor to the families, friends, and all the affected people and the entire nation at large. It is our sincere prayer that they may find comfort, quick healing and protection from such an incidence in future. We are all human beings irrespective of our political, social, religious, economical affiliations and nobody has the right to put an end to your life. Stay strong."
The chronicles is affected mostly because the attack was in a university where most of its stories are based. The sincere request to the members of the public is to forward information to the authorities and being our brothers keeper. The entire world should come to our aid. Russia instead of attacking Ukraine should put that effort in fighting Al shaababs in Kenya, Israel should deploy all its geniuos wits in this plague, South Africa and Egypt are the African heroes they should be here by now and the world's most powerful country's president should be addressing journalist at Nairobi in full gear to drive these evil people out.
#Weareone #Kenyawillsurvive #Terrorismwillneverwin
Happy Easter
The chronicles of a fresha publications from the management, characters, author, make-up artist, editor, producer, director, sponsor, camera-man (of which they are all under one person) and all my readers, "May God find favor to the families, friends, and all the affected people and the entire nation at large. It is our sincere prayer that they may find comfort, quick healing and protection from such an incidence in future. We are all human beings irrespective of our political, social, religious, economical affiliations and nobody has the right to put an end to your life. Stay strong."
The chronicles is affected mostly because the attack was in a university where most of its stories are based. The sincere request to the members of the public is to forward information to the authorities and being our brothers keeper. The entire world should come to our aid. Russia instead of attacking Ukraine should put that effort in fighting Al shaababs in Kenya, Israel should deploy all its geniuos wits in this plague, South Africa and Egypt are the African heroes they should be here by now and the world's most powerful country's president should be addressing journalist at Nairobi in full gear to drive these evil people out.
#Weareone #Kenyawillsurvive #Terrorismwillneverwin
Happy Easter
Tuesday, 31 March 2015
EAST-LANDS IS HOME,,,,The Chronicles
I know i have kept you waiting for part two but finally, the palatable, inevitable, deluxe and most exciting blogger is back again. You can simply say, "another one from crater automobiles,,sorry another one from vinniewatz story telling dungeon."
...The cool breeze swarm in the air as we sat cool and calm waiting for the most outrageous thing to happen. You could see white smoke puff out of our mouths, like those people who live in icy regions breathing hard after each tick and tock of the clock. A train of thoughts whirled and twigged in the little brains in our big heads as we thought of a way out. The loud knocks of Oti forcing himself into other people rooms could not be ignored as his screeching voice irked the ears. I wonder why people with huge bodies have a faint voice which is not proportional to their body size. Anyway, Oti's voice spoiled the tranquil ambiance that was dominated by fear in us.
Jaymo had a suggestion, "why don't we jump over the window and leave the legal owners of the room to face Oti as they will not be victimized." Not only this idea was stupid, but also thoughtless. How can we jump from the third floor and the ground was cemented? Secondly, the room was so stuffed that even the blind could see that it accommodated more than two people. As always, i had a better idea to salvage the situation. Pray, pray and pray hard. Everyone laughed at my idea so i did not pray but whispered to God to save me the embarrassment that was about to happen.
Three...two..one...knock knock knock!!!! At last, our most awaited "guest" arrived and in style. His first statement was "Vinnie i know you were not awarded a room this semester, with a well labelled diagram, can you explain what you are doing in this room." My heart was pierced with two huge swords that matched the ones used to protect the king during the Roman Empire. A sharp, electrifying pain swished through my stomach affecting my gait posture before i could think of a response. The security officers resembled Men In Black as they all wore black suits that comprehended their toned black skin color. They resembled a vacated coal mining dungeon somewhere in Kitui. My two ears flipped from side to side trying to figure out what next. Before i could utter a word, the security guys were on my neck you could have thought i was in the EACC corruption report. Actually, we were told to step aside, not to allow investigation, but to...
... the next thing was being frog matched with all your belongings to the "Kamukunji Square" where we used to gather during campaigns and any other gatherings. Everyone basked on the hostel balconies to watch the parasites who have been squandering their resources without paying a single cent. Unfortunately, one of our classmates had "boxed" a fellow lady classmate. Imagine she witnessed all this happening and the way she was best known for rumor mongering. She did not have a mouth but a beak because she could not stomach any information but spread it to the other faster than diffusion. My world was now crumbling as i imagined how i will face my classmates on Monday. To add insults to injury, my die hard team Chelsea had lost to the Manchester....as in ManCity and you know how people are against champions. I imagined the kind of a week i will endure,,,
A man never crumbles to the ground but picks himself up and makes a move. I collected all my paper bags and hit the road facing east. East-land was my final destination and there life begun...
teren teren tereen if you need to know how we interacted with East-land life. Keep tuned to this station that does not require a digital set box to watch....
#Iamout
...The cool breeze swarm in the air as we sat cool and calm waiting for the most outrageous thing to happen. You could see white smoke puff out of our mouths, like those people who live in icy regions breathing hard after each tick and tock of the clock. A train of thoughts whirled and twigged in the little brains in our big heads as we thought of a way out. The loud knocks of Oti forcing himself into other people rooms could not be ignored as his screeching voice irked the ears. I wonder why people with huge bodies have a faint voice which is not proportional to their body size. Anyway, Oti's voice spoiled the tranquil ambiance that was dominated by fear in us.
Jaymo had a suggestion, "why don't we jump over the window and leave the legal owners of the room to face Oti as they will not be victimized." Not only this idea was stupid, but also thoughtless. How can we jump from the third floor and the ground was cemented? Secondly, the room was so stuffed that even the blind could see that it accommodated more than two people. As always, i had a better idea to salvage the situation. Pray, pray and pray hard. Everyone laughed at my idea so i did not pray but whispered to God to save me the embarrassment that was about to happen.
Three...two..one...knock knock knock!!!! At last, our most awaited "guest" arrived and in style. His first statement was "Vinnie i know you were not awarded a room this semester, with a well labelled diagram, can you explain what you are doing in this room." My heart was pierced with two huge swords that matched the ones used to protect the king during the Roman Empire. A sharp, electrifying pain swished through my stomach affecting my gait posture before i could think of a response. The security officers resembled Men In Black as they all wore black suits that comprehended their toned black skin color. They resembled a vacated coal mining dungeon somewhere in Kitui. My two ears flipped from side to side trying to figure out what next. Before i could utter a word, the security guys were on my neck you could have thought i was in the EACC corruption report. Actually, we were told to step aside, not to allow investigation, but to...
... the next thing was being frog matched with all your belongings to the "Kamukunji Square" where we used to gather during campaigns and any other gatherings. Everyone basked on the hostel balconies to watch the parasites who have been squandering their resources without paying a single cent. Unfortunately, one of our classmates had "boxed" a fellow lady classmate. Imagine she witnessed all this happening and the way she was best known for rumor mongering. She did not have a mouth but a beak because she could not stomach any information but spread it to the other faster than diffusion. My world was now crumbling as i imagined how i will face my classmates on Monday. To add insults to injury, my die hard team Chelsea had lost to the Manchester....as in ManCity and you know how people are against champions. I imagined the kind of a week i will endure,,,
A man never crumbles to the ground but picks himself up and makes a move. I collected all my paper bags and hit the road facing east. East-land was my final destination and there life begun...
teren teren tereen if you need to know how we interacted with East-land life. Keep tuned to this station that does not require a digital set box to watch....
#Iamout
Wednesday, 25 March 2015
EASTALANDS IS HOME, EAST WEST...The chronicles
Pirating in the hostels,,,chronicles of a fresha
Rooms in the hostel have always been an issue of contention almost in all the universities. Most people have endured this tantamount experience...
Most universities admit people on September; hence, they report on January for their second semester. I was not an exceptional, so during the December holiday i maneuvered all the streets and crossed all the villages preaching how people live in universities. Actually, i had a phrase copied from the famous musician Clifford Harris (T.I) : i have got spirit of a hustler and swagger of a college kid. How cool was that? i thought. I was a demigod who could not be shaken even by a dark horse wishes. My ego was too high to be comparative to any other living thing in the universe. I was the epitome, creme de la creme in the village just like Chiefs during the Moi era. Just because i had joined an institution of higher learning forgetting that Mwai Kibaki graduated in 1955 and he does not brag and the villagers have witnessed people attend university for almost a century and i was there bragging. I was very excited indeed that i forgot the circular had said we should go to the school website and book for the hostel rooms if at all you are interested.
After sobering up on 3rd of January since 19th December (its Christmas men, who cares), I remembered that we were supposed to book rooms. I rang my friend to confirm whether he had checked the website, you know college peer pressure. "Yangu nilibook around 15th December" he replied. Oh goodness, i had to rush to town just to find that the was no internet in the only cyber cafe that had been opened in the entire town, sorry market place (it does not qualify to be called a town). Internet was so new that we were charged 5 shillings a minute and we had to wait for the "network." I persevered all this and "phewks! I managed to log in at last. However, there was a clear message that read..Rooms fully booked.
Back to the university, i was still new in Nairobi and my financial stature could not allow me to get a room outside the institution. This is when you know hell is closer when everyone goes to his room to rest and you are just scratching your head thinking of where to keep your bag full of cassavas and mangoes.
Thanks heaven that my friend said he would accommodate me as i sort an alternative. You know the common lie people give, "just accommodate me for two weeks and i will have secured a room." Two weeks became a month and so forth. But there was a bigger problem, yes a big one in deed. I became a "nyuni" meaning bird, most of you call it pirate (that is a person who is staying in the hostel illegally).
If at all you managed to step a foot in any PUBLIC university hostels, you clearly know the size of the bed. Actually, it is not larger than the high school one, only that it is stronger so that people can bring their girlfriends. Just imagine two people on that bed. Just imagine please imagine bearing in mind these two people are of the same gender so they have to leave a space between them. Another problem is that i was not included in the school eating program. Eish, man without food "yawa" is like trying to censure the national assembly speaker or silencing Duale. That can never happen.
To ice it all, there is a hostel manager who checks how people live in there. This is the second most feared person in college after the exam. I wonder what qualifications they ask for when employing this guy. He is fearsome and can control anyone he wishes, secondly, he can make you be chased away from the institution with an immediate effect. Now you have a glimpse of why we were called "nyuni", it is because when you saw this person you had to fly away-hide. Our manager was called Oti and he usually narrated of how he played rugby and how he managed to fight seven people while closing his eyes. There were rumors that he had a black belt, cjui yellow belt and all that nonsense people say when they fear you.
During this time, nyunis were too much to match and contain the university resources. There were constant water shortages, electricity was going dim each evening, people had to wake up early to book bathrooms due to the long ques. That is when the university decided to do an impromptu check and catch the "nyunis". As usual, we would use trickery to source food from the kitchen and go with it to the rooms in order to avoid the manager. But this day, they decided to check early in the morning on a weekend as they knew everybody will be sound asleep nursing hangovers.
Oti gathered a hoard of security guys, all the lists of students accommodated in the hostel. One advantage that Oti had is that he knew almost everybody in the institution. He would tell people who have come only to visit and the pirates. On this Saturday morning, he ensured that the gate was closed and all entries guarded to avoid any escapees. We were in the room the six of us which was slotted for two people. The first room that Oti opened he managed to capture two of them and he confiscated their belongings. Fear flew through the entire hostel as everyone knew the day of beckoning had come.
After i peeped through the window, my heart started throbbing and panting profusely. I knew this was my day to quit education and cease bragging to people. I wondered whether they had cast a bad omen upon me to destroy my education due to jealousy (like the Nigerian movies do). Oti was coming and there was no way out...to be continued.
Rooms in the hostel have always been an issue of contention almost in all the universities. Most people have endured this tantamount experience...
Most universities admit people on September; hence, they report on January for their second semester. I was not an exceptional, so during the December holiday i maneuvered all the streets and crossed all the villages preaching how people live in universities. Actually, i had a phrase copied from the famous musician Clifford Harris (T.I) : i have got spirit of a hustler and swagger of a college kid. How cool was that? i thought. I was a demigod who could not be shaken even by a dark horse wishes. My ego was too high to be comparative to any other living thing in the universe. I was the epitome, creme de la creme in the village just like Chiefs during the Moi era. Just because i had joined an institution of higher learning forgetting that Mwai Kibaki graduated in 1955 and he does not brag and the villagers have witnessed people attend university for almost a century and i was there bragging. I was very excited indeed that i forgot the circular had said we should go to the school website and book for the hostel rooms if at all you are interested.
After sobering up on 3rd of January since 19th December (its Christmas men, who cares), I remembered that we were supposed to book rooms. I rang my friend to confirm whether he had checked the website, you know college peer pressure. "Yangu nilibook around 15th December" he replied. Oh goodness, i had to rush to town just to find that the was no internet in the only cyber cafe that had been opened in the entire town, sorry market place (it does not qualify to be called a town). Internet was so new that we were charged 5 shillings a minute and we had to wait for the "network." I persevered all this and "phewks! I managed to log in at last. However, there was a clear message that read..Rooms fully booked.
Back to the university, i was still new in Nairobi and my financial stature could not allow me to get a room outside the institution. This is when you know hell is closer when everyone goes to his room to rest and you are just scratching your head thinking of where to keep your bag full of cassavas and mangoes.
Thanks heaven that my friend said he would accommodate me as i sort an alternative. You know the common lie people give, "just accommodate me for two weeks and i will have secured a room." Two weeks became a month and so forth. But there was a bigger problem, yes a big one in deed. I became a "nyuni" meaning bird, most of you call it pirate (that is a person who is staying in the hostel illegally).
If at all you managed to step a foot in any PUBLIC university hostels, you clearly know the size of the bed. Actually, it is not larger than the high school one, only that it is stronger so that people can bring their girlfriends. Just imagine two people on that bed. Just imagine please imagine bearing in mind these two people are of the same gender so they have to leave a space between them. Another problem is that i was not included in the school eating program. Eish, man without food "yawa" is like trying to censure the national assembly speaker or silencing Duale. That can never happen.
To ice it all, there is a hostel manager who checks how people live in there. This is the second most feared person in college after the exam. I wonder what qualifications they ask for when employing this guy. He is fearsome and can control anyone he wishes, secondly, he can make you be chased away from the institution with an immediate effect. Now you have a glimpse of why we were called "nyuni", it is because when you saw this person you had to fly away-hide. Our manager was called Oti and he usually narrated of how he played rugby and how he managed to fight seven people while closing his eyes. There were rumors that he had a black belt, cjui yellow belt and all that nonsense people say when they fear you.
During this time, nyunis were too much to match and contain the university resources. There were constant water shortages, electricity was going dim each evening, people had to wake up early to book bathrooms due to the long ques. That is when the university decided to do an impromptu check and catch the "nyunis". As usual, we would use trickery to source food from the kitchen and go with it to the rooms in order to avoid the manager. But this day, they decided to check early in the morning on a weekend as they knew everybody will be sound asleep nursing hangovers.
Oti gathered a hoard of security guys, all the lists of students accommodated in the hostel. One advantage that Oti had is that he knew almost everybody in the institution. He would tell people who have come only to visit and the pirates. On this Saturday morning, he ensured that the gate was closed and all entries guarded to avoid any escapees. We were in the room the six of us which was slotted for two people. The first room that Oti opened he managed to capture two of them and he confiscated their belongings. Fear flew through the entire hostel as everyone knew the day of beckoning had come.
After i peeped through the window, my heart started throbbing and panting profusely. I knew this was my day to quit education and cease bragging to people. I wondered whether they had cast a bad omen upon me to destroy my education due to jealousy (like the Nigerian movies do). Oti was coming and there was no way out...to be continued.
Monday, 23 March 2015
The Chronicles
5 Reasons for being a "Bad ass" in campus
5 Reasons for being a check out for
"Comrade power is the only stronger power than Kenya power and super power", my classmate once said. There is no contention that each student wishes a smooth ride in campus life, but nothing comes in easy. They say that it is nice to be important but it is more important to be nice; however, this rule is not always applicable in campus life. The following are some of the integral reasons for showing off your other biting side.
1. Earn respect
Campus is far much different from high school where by the virtue of being in form four, the entire school accorded you respect. No way !! this is a place of grown men where each has to identify his own space. Surprisingly, you could be a fourth year but the first year you call fresh completed high school seven years ago. it would be unfortunate if you remain the "Mnyonge" in campo. When you are comfortably watching a football match in the school hall, probably alone, another dude comes and switches the channel irregardless of your cries. Your roommate always brings his girlfriend,- clandy, candy, sandy, you name them- daily and you spend most of your academic days on exile; it is the high time to rough up big boy. Alternatively, you will become everyone's tissue paper to use you and dump you, even ladies will use you, don't be surprised but act and act now.
2. Survival tactics
" ooh!! I am broke, I did not take supper yester-night, my girlfriend booted me", jeez.. those are pretty issues raised by mommy's boys. yeah i said it you are one if you constantly find yourself hanging on to such conversations. Campus requires guys who can survive a week with ten shillings and nobody notices your tribulations. Show your manhood by being a rude boy, go to the cafeteria and take food on credit without giving a damn to the onlookers, after-all it is your stomach.
3. Win the "Dendai's"
No chick will want a guy whose the only count of his courage is recognized when picking a plate and a spoon to eat. What if when you visit the city pubs and some guys touches her inappropriately, bouncers rough you up, students from another campus wants to slice you? Are gonna stand there and watch her,,hmm you are not Rihanna. She needs security, a guy she can look up to when her emotions are down; not when she gives you her afflicting stories you both break down into tears. No way be a man, toughen up and be a bad-ass.
4. Safety purpose
Once when i was still studying and we had a gig at our school, some "externally hired boys" to offer security could beat anyone they felt like just because they have mass and authority. Unfortunately, i was caught up in this hue and cry where my friend was accused of stealing a phone and the boys wanted to beat the hell out of us until we produced the phone. Fear and exasperation formed coalition in my body but i didn't reveal it. when they were about to start, everybody stopped them simply because they termed me as a "mzito". A term used to refer to a man of the people who can do anything in revenge. there you go being a bad-ass saved my own "ass".
5, Dream guy
if you combine the above reasons, the resultant explanation is that you become the campus demigod. Everything will come your way and life will be viscous and smooth. However, exercise caution because every dog has its own day.
Am out.
"Comrade power is the only stronger power than Kenya power and super power", my classmate once said. There is no contention that each student wishes a smooth ride in campus life, but nothing comes in easy. They say that it is nice to be important but it is more important to be nice; however, this rule is not always applicable in campus life. The following are some of the integral reasons for showing off your other biting side.
1. Earn respect
Campus is far much different from high school where by the virtue of being in form four, the entire school accorded you respect. No way !! this is a place of grown men where each has to identify his own space. Surprisingly, you could be a fourth year but the first year you call fresh completed high school seven years ago. it would be unfortunate if you remain the "Mnyonge" in campo. When you are comfortably watching a football match in the school hall, probably alone, another dude comes and switches the channel irregardless of your cries. Your roommate always brings his girlfriend,- clandy, candy, sandy, you name them- daily and you spend most of your academic days on exile; it is the high time to rough up big boy. Alternatively, you will become everyone's tissue paper to use you and dump you, even ladies will use you, don't be surprised but act and act now.
2. Survival tactics
" ooh!! I am broke, I did not take supper yester-night, my girlfriend booted me", jeez.. those are pretty issues raised by mommy's boys. yeah i said it you are one if you constantly find yourself hanging on to such conversations. Campus requires guys who can survive a week with ten shillings and nobody notices your tribulations. Show your manhood by being a rude boy, go to the cafeteria and take food on credit without giving a damn to the onlookers, after-all it is your stomach.
3. Win the "Dendai's"
No chick will want a guy whose the only count of his courage is recognized when picking a plate and a spoon to eat. What if when you visit the city pubs and some guys touches her inappropriately, bouncers rough you up, students from another campus wants to slice you? Are gonna stand there and watch her,,hmm you are not Rihanna. She needs security, a guy she can look up to when her emotions are down; not when she gives you her afflicting stories you both break down into tears. No way be a man, toughen up and be a bad-ass.
4. Safety purpose
Once when i was still studying and we had a gig at our school, some "externally hired boys" to offer security could beat anyone they felt like just because they have mass and authority. Unfortunately, i was caught up in this hue and cry where my friend was accused of stealing a phone and the boys wanted to beat the hell out of us until we produced the phone. Fear and exasperation formed coalition in my body but i didn't reveal it. when they were about to start, everybody stopped them simply because they termed me as a "mzito". A term used to refer to a man of the people who can do anything in revenge. there you go being a bad-ass saved my own "ass".
5, Dream guy
if you combine the above reasons, the resultant explanation is that you become the campus demigod. Everything will come your way and life will be viscous and smooth. However, exercise caution because every dog has its own day.
Am out.
Wednesday, 11 March 2015
NAKURU MCAs WRESTLING..The chronicles
For those who have analogue TVs I am very sure you do not know that Nakuru MCAs decided to host a WWE inside their assembly yesterday. All in all, these are not news because Nairobi, Garissa, Embu, Kiambu, Kakamega, Makueni have engaged in running battles just to mention a few. It has become a normal routine to square out our differences physically bearing in mind our national assembly has also done that. So Nakuru members of assembly felt they have not complied to their national duty of fighting over people's tax. SHAME ON YOU..but before i lament too much i have remembered that this issue once happened in my college years. The chronicles...
"Comrade power",,power!!! "Comrade power" power, " it has come to that moment that you must cast your vote wisely, you have to elect a leader who is self conscious and resonates with the comrade needs. We need a leader who will ensure the administration listens to our issues, we shall ensure that comrades stay in the institution comfortably." This was the speech that one of the candidates made. It was so nice and the guy was so promising, he was vying for the campus presidential position. He was everyone's darling, but he had not won my heart yet. "...And we shall ensure the school bursaries are disbursed to the needy persons in right time and quantity to avoid interference with their learning time." That was the statement that made my heart go #kookoo and feel mesmerized. To be sincere, my school fees arrears could buy a piece of land in westie (as in western, an entire sugarcane plantation). I devoted myself to campaign for that guy without expecting anything in return other than he adheres to his manifesto. You can never doubt my campaigning capabilities because the guy won with a landslide.
Jubilation overwhelmed the entire campus as our favorite candidate who looked composed and ready to take the bull on its horns (like Kiraitu Murungi) had won. The first thing was to compile a bursary committee that would ensure there is equity and no fraudulent activities occurred. The chairman had praised me for my support during the campaign time and he swore he would do anything as a return favor. He appointed me to the bursary committee, but due to my kindness i relinquished the seat to one of my classmates. After all, the chairman was my friend and i trusted my classmate. I immediately phoned my parents and told them to cast away their worries as i had gotten an alternative way of paying my school fees. Actually i started spending the little savings i had for my fees.
The committee met severally and the amount was released from the school accounts to the student union account. The notice board was filled with notices asking people to apply for the bursary as the money was available. For me, i did not need to apply but i decided to follow the protocol and apply. Within a week, the list of successful applicants was out and displayed in every notice board in school. Believe it or not, i could not imagine this, just imagine i was among the top 10 in the list and the next step was to meet with the committee.
Shock of all times is that the committee seemed not to be in an agreement during the meeting. They seemed tense when the names of those getting the money was being read out. Just imagine my name was read, then they said i should wait for a confirmation. That is when i saw my classmate pounce on the chairman. It was unbelievable to see the two sided committee fly a handle at each other. The threw hefty punches upon each other and we could not understand what was going on. It was so embarrassing, but there was one thing that my classmate kept on saying. Corruption, impunity, corruption!!! That is when i learnt that those people who qualified for the bursary had to pay the chairman a certain amount of money to be on the list. Bribery, corruption destroyed the party to be. I was in tears as i knew i could not manage to sit for the exams. It would be embarrassing to call my parents with the sad news.
Ooops!!! mum calling. I was tensed and frozen beyond zero degrees or campaign if you like. "Hello, i was just confirming that the CDF bursary has been awarded to you", mum said.
"Comrade power",,power!!! "Comrade power" power, " it has come to that moment that you must cast your vote wisely, you have to elect a leader who is self conscious and resonates with the comrade needs. We need a leader who will ensure the administration listens to our issues, we shall ensure that comrades stay in the institution comfortably." This was the speech that one of the candidates made. It was so nice and the guy was so promising, he was vying for the campus presidential position. He was everyone's darling, but he had not won my heart yet. "...And we shall ensure the school bursaries are disbursed to the needy persons in right time and quantity to avoid interference with their learning time." That was the statement that made my heart go #kookoo and feel mesmerized. To be sincere, my school fees arrears could buy a piece of land in westie (as in western, an entire sugarcane plantation). I devoted myself to campaign for that guy without expecting anything in return other than he adheres to his manifesto. You can never doubt my campaigning capabilities because the guy won with a landslide.
Jubilation overwhelmed the entire campus as our favorite candidate who looked composed and ready to take the bull on its horns (like Kiraitu Murungi) had won. The first thing was to compile a bursary committee that would ensure there is equity and no fraudulent activities occurred. The chairman had praised me for my support during the campaign time and he swore he would do anything as a return favor. He appointed me to the bursary committee, but due to my kindness i relinquished the seat to one of my classmates. After all, the chairman was my friend and i trusted my classmate. I immediately phoned my parents and told them to cast away their worries as i had gotten an alternative way of paying my school fees. Actually i started spending the little savings i had for my fees.
The committee met severally and the amount was released from the school accounts to the student union account. The notice board was filled with notices asking people to apply for the bursary as the money was available. For me, i did not need to apply but i decided to follow the protocol and apply. Within a week, the list of successful applicants was out and displayed in every notice board in school. Believe it or not, i could not imagine this, just imagine i was among the top 10 in the list and the next step was to meet with the committee.
Shock of all times is that the committee seemed not to be in an agreement during the meeting. They seemed tense when the names of those getting the money was being read out. Just imagine my name was read, then they said i should wait for a confirmation. That is when i saw my classmate pounce on the chairman. It was unbelievable to see the two sided committee fly a handle at each other. The threw hefty punches upon each other and we could not understand what was going on. It was so embarrassing, but there was one thing that my classmate kept on saying. Corruption, impunity, corruption!!! That is when i learnt that those people who qualified for the bursary had to pay the chairman a certain amount of money to be on the list. Bribery, corruption destroyed the party to be. I was in tears as i knew i could not manage to sit for the exams. It would be embarrassing to call my parents with the sad news.
Ooops!!! mum calling. I was tensed and frozen beyond zero degrees or campaign if you like. "Hello, i was just confirming that the CDF bursary has been awarded to you", mum said.
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