Open Letter to Ladies During this World Cup

Dear "anti-football" Ladies
The end of English premier league (E PL) last month was met with a lot of jubilation by our lovely better halves. HSBC Rugby sevens ended too and ladies were more than happy to think that the bait that kept their men away from home is of the hook. They went to an extent of luring men to watch soap operas and reality shows such as Arsenio show, Keeping up with the kardashians, etc with them. One thing they didn't know is that the greatest sporting extravaganza was around the corner. Unlike the E pl and Rugby that comes during the weekends, the World Cup happens on a daily basis. If you share the same time zone with me, Ouch, then things just got worse because in our area the World cup coincides with the time they air the soap operas and reality shows.  If i can take you back for a little while; it is good to remember 4 years ago when the world cup was hosted in South Africa. But because i know you have a small memory when it comes to honoring men interests, let me remind you just once again.

Here are the dos and don's for the next 30 or so days: Rule number one, the TV remote remains under my custody for the entire period. I will not visit your parents unless your dad is a die-hard football fanatic. I will not take dinner at the dining table am always on the couch. The only time i will call you is when i need a drink, remote batteries or the duvet. No enticing me with sex because i know you are only seeking attention  i have already seen it during the E pl; you offer me sex when my team is playing so that i can come home early. No more soap operas and reality shows; buy them in a DVD and watch later. Match replays, analysis, and highlights are as important as the live match. Do not request me to play with kids; unless we are celebrating a goal. Do not console me when my team loses because i can be either violent or emotional. I don't wanna attend any parties unless it involves watching World Cup together. Criticizing my team, saying Ronaldo is handsome, and praising the team that beats my team will definitely amount to a divorce. Kindly observe these and more to come rules for the next one month and salvage our relationship.
 yours sincerely,
THE WORLD CUP FAN