WHY MEN CHEAT "their women with beer"

1000 reasons why beer is better than women...

People say that men live for only three things; money, power and mmm aaa eee and beer. Yes beer and not women; although nowadays Wi-Fi has been included in the list. My dear skirts and trousers wearers allow me to unearth the secret why beer is better than women.

Njoki chege became a celebrity overnight for writing an article about “why men cheat.” Kindly my esteemed readers’ can you make me a celeb after exposing “why men cheat their women with alcohol.”

Chris Brown sang, “These girls aren’t loyal,” for real they are not. They make us endure hell on earth with their masquerading and camouflaged behaviors. I am a living witness, during my years as a campus “fresha”, here comes again the chronicles of a fresha, yea I was in “love” (Oh my God that was not love but using the word love in vain). A woman is yours the moment she is in your vicinity and that is not always the case because she can be chatting with another nigga in your presence. You just wonder how you are talking to a person for two minutes and she replies by a nod without even facing you.

My fresha’s year was full of frustration and I think most of you men go through these issues intrinsically. My purported girlfriend cited love words when we were together, she cuddled on my chest and caressed me publicly. As a result, I fell in love, oops sorry, in infatuation to an extend of bashing away other girls even from sitting close to me to avoid “cheating.” This lady controlled my life, she had to know where I am, with who, doing what, and when I will be back using which matatu. She dictated our chats, if I never replied to her text for two minutes that was a crime equated to poaching or even paying the Anglo-leasing scum. However, if she did not reply mine for even two days, I was not supposed to query or raise an alarm. To add insult to injuries, she kept visiting her cousin who lived in coast, but because I was in love, I never questioned. Later I learnt that she got married there… oops L L.

Am pretty sure a hoard of men experience this bumpy road of relationship though they try to mask their tribulations. You will see a man reluctant to go home after work because he knows the wife is Adolf Hitler. You will buy a whole kilogram of meat and in your plate, you will only be served with a number of bones, mayne you aren’t a dog! Men will burst out loudly in public places such as hotels, matatus, and even clubs and you might think they roar in their houses. Oh, unto you when you discover they are lip sealed in front of their better halves. We are tied in ropes that loosening them is quite impossible. Men if you know this is you please listen to me and do it keenly. We need a dialogue with alcohol; we need a national holiday for celebrating beer and giving back to the society because of the solace beer has offered us.

Ladies and gentlemen, here comes 1000 reasons why beer is better than women…

#1. Beer is never JEALOUS. You can take pilsner today, tusker tomorrow, try Jameson shot on a wedding day and mix with rum and beer will never complain “ati umeniplay.”

#2. Beer is always available, yes always at the counter. Women, gosh, tomorrow am going to salon, Monday shopping, Tuesday I will be sick, Wednesday I will be menstruating…psssh

#3. Beer has a price tag; therefore, you can plan on what to take for a month. On the contrary, women are like oil prices, they keep on fluctuating. Today out, tomorrow shopping, the next days a new weave; guys alcohol prices are manageable compared to women. 

#4. Beer never hides its feelings. Wow, I love this part, women will pretend never to have feelings for you but they have. Beer is very straight, if it is not cool with you, you have to puk it out, period. “kama haikutaki hues make.”

#5. Beer never plays hard to get, if you want a beer, ask your wallet and no more innuendos.

#6. Beer never uses make-ups or skin lightening; it is so natural that you know you are dealing with an original thing. Women, gosh, the person you take to lunch date is completely different from the one you will see after a swimming event. Fake face made up with pencils and crayons, horse’s hair, pigskin for handbags, one million piercing and so forth. 

#7. Beer never controls the remote. Yes, you will watch Nat-geo, Supersport and sci-fi movies comfortably while beer is offering you company. With women, be ready to watch soap operas and Niger movies and she expects you to be jovial discussing Alehandro with her, crap.

#8. Beer never FRIENDZONE the taker, friend zone is the worst man fear. It is a national disaster in the life of men. Beer never allows this to happen to a man, you order for it you have to drink it.

#9. Beer is never moody. I always wonder how women moods function. You can be happy with her for a while, but in the next minute, she has turned to be John Michuki (R.I.P), no nonsense. As for beer, any time is the happy hour.

#10. Beer has no parent-in-laws. Gosh if there something men fear, it is the girl’s parents. They irritate, they judge us for gangster, and they think that they gave us their girls free. Damn, we can do with alcohol alone.

#11. Beer does not contract unwanted pregnancies. You know the traps that every girl sets to her guy. “aki babe niko na boll”, beer simply replies “ipeleke kasarani ama brazil.”

The other 9089 reasons are coming soon. Keep it chronicles of a “fresha” at vinniewatz.blogspot.com