According to the Energy Regulatory Commission of Kenya, kerosene retails at 40 bob per liter in most cities and towns around Kenya. Forty bob is not a major concern for me, the question is, do you know what a liter of kerosene can do?
Okay, i know you like to forget, let me take you back down the memory lane. Did you realize that almost all the meals in high school had been spiced with kerosene, especially in July and June when the temperatures were chilly (i wonder those schools in Limuru how much kerosene was added to their food). Yes, i know you remember quite well, kerosene acted as a speed governor to limit the speed and distance traveled down stairs. High school was just special, did you notice when a sister to a student, a mother who looked young, or a teaching practice teacher, caused an uproar in school if she visited? Then paraffin was meant to regulate such extreme situations.
Now get me right, i have a problem. The sight of a fine lady on the street especially those who have stolen euro-bond and hid it behind will just cause mayhem among men idling along the streets in the estate. The problem arose another day i boarded a Kayole route Matatu, (although i was going to Donholm not Kayole, kujichocha nayo). In these matatus, Michuki laws are yet to be actualized fully, people stand inside the vehicle. I was one of those who stood up. I had no problem with that until the Matatu went on stuffing people in. A fine lady who did not look like a Kayole resident, may be she was from Kitsuru but on adventure to the East lands, i supposed, entered the Matatu. The pathway where i stood was already full and the conductor pushed me back to make a space for her. Surprisingly, she fit there between as if the space was meant for her. Have you ever closed your eyes when chewing sugarcane or taking something sweet, like shaggy once sung, bite your lips and close your eyes, that is what i did. Her rear view squeezed itself just on top of my gear box, remember my hands are up holding onto the vehicle and trying to maintain balance. If you have been to Kayole you know how the road is bumpy, every time we hit a pothole, my manhood rubbed her behind. The reaction was faster than that of potassium when immersed in water.
As if the driver was aware and enjoyed my agony, he kept on hitting potholes and bumps along the road. To add onto the innuendos, the lady shook her waist as she tried to get back to her position. Unfortunately, i was in track trouser, loose pants. The expansion was very conspicuous and she noticed that something hard was piercing her. I guess at first she thought it was the luggage or i was carrying an umbrella that kept poking her behind, you know how luggage is kept carelessly in these matatus. To make herself comfortable, she extended her hand to remove that "umbrella" piercing her. This is the part you are supposed to whisper Amen or Oh my God depending on what you will imagine. She held it, "the umbrella" this was a mistake, she triggered unintended emotions making my cargo germinate like maize in Eldoret. It became, taller, hotter, harder, stronger, violent, hostile, uncomfortable, problematic and my face started sweating. After noticing what she had done she just smiled to herself knowing the fire she has lit.
Unfortunately, i heard the conductor stop the vehicle and the lady plus other people who were standing alighted from the vehicle. I was left standing alone on the pathway and obviously i was the center of attention. There was a sitting space at the back seat. The problem was making my way to the back seat with my cargo as hard as a bone.After turning to head to the back, everyone looked at me in awe. In a track suit everyone could notice the reaction. I tried hiding with my hands but they were so small to hide anything. Another lady who was old enough to be my mother looked at me surprised, i guess wondering how blessed i am. I solemnly swear, I am on my way to the pump, its only forty bob for kerosene, I will be taking 3 times 1 before sleeping and after waking up, so help me God. I cant stand this once more, paraffin for life.
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