As i Said earlier,,,,
the person who invented this fresha thing should be stoned to death, resurrected, then shot five bullets on the head until he is sent to coma, after recuperating, slashed with blunt machetes that my grandma used to say "ati" they are as blunt as the ones used to circumcise a warthog (how true that is, only her knows).
"Kijana, umpewa room", the dean asked; sincerely, is that a question to ask a mature man like me, a man with two grown balls and hairy armpits. He is the one suppose to issue me with the room and he asks such childish questions. Anyway i had to answer, am a fresha, who cares, though i answered with a folded face until he lamented "kijana unawekea nani sura ya kazi na haujajiriwa" ooooo... oh there is no difference between a "fresha" and a "mono", both are school wheelbarrows that can be pushed by anyone, even the cooks. Listen here "kijana" you are suppose to behave here because there is no mother of yours here (in spite of the dholuo accent and incorrect grammar i still wondered why he kept referring to me as kijana, can i ever become a msichana). Time was not on our side so he had to rush the prolonged paper work from my fees receipts, registration and admission forms, class 8 leaving certificate (was it necessary anyway), and meal card (the most important thing to a student, no matter the level of learning, food is still an issue of contention for a student). After performing all those rituals, too many than a circumcision ceremony, i was released to go and surrender in my room A206, i vividly recall the number. With a lot of jubilation knowing that i am a fully admitted university student (actually the first one in the village, so you can imagine the pride "maringo nayo") i gushed out with a speed that can only be compared with Germans goals against Brazil or a man going to an M-pesa agent after receiving money from a wrong number. After quite a walk, approximately 100 meters within 10 seconds (so if i train i can be competing with Rudisha and Bolt, but my name betrays me "i am not a kale), my joy was short lived, i stood with an upright gait, perplexed, confused just like a boy when he receives a text from his lover saying "baby we need to talk", boy run. Hahaha please join me at laughing at myself, seriously, where was i going, i didn't have a snippet clue of where the hostel were located. "GFF yani ngai fafa", i had to goo back to the unruly dean once again, the door was already shut; hence, i knocked viciously.
Oh My gracious Lord, i have never seen such bulgy eyes, the size of full moon, glare at one object for a long time. I freaked out! I trembled, shaking yawa. Imagine (with a luo accent), the full moon was the dean's eyes while i was the object being observed. "kijana (one again he called me that) shida yako ni nini"
"hizo hostel ziko wapi, sir", i stammered. "ziko South B", he replied."South B iko pande gani" i asked with my shriek voice wishing i was Ben 10 or superman so that i can swallow this giant of a man alive. Gosh this guy was huge, why didn't he look for another job like a club bouncer or he become a punching bag. "wewe kijana una ujinga sana, hujui South B ama umekuja Nairobi leo, nyinyi watu wa ushago mmechanganikiwa sana, fuata bara bara inateremka apo railways utaona men's hostel."
Good Lord, this man just embarrassed me in-front of a hoard of people, just humiliated me, belittled my ego and pride. I have never felt this embarrassed, what had i done to him to deserve such scolding like a dog when it takes your food. Anyway, "mwananume nikujifanya" so i pretended to be OK, and faced the direction as instructed with a lot of courage but deep inside i was as empty as Nairobi on #SabaSabaday. However, this was the start of the end of my tribulations. Mind you, people were carrying huge suitcases, bags, they were brought by family and friends, to them it was a really initiation of good life. Vinnie on the other hand was directly opposite of that, a small bag-pack that i had bought while at high school, so you can imagine one strap was torn so i had to hold the bottom of the bag with one hand to maintain the balance. It had three clothes, tissue paper (you now know why i was excited when i got a meal card), and some little paraphernalia. Actually i didn't know what a person should report with as i told you i was the first to attend campus in the village so i had nowhere to borrow some advice. I was absolutely alone and it was getting dark. Fear of the unknown, i don't know where i am going, i had heard stories of how people are stolen at Nairobi when dusk falls. My inner-self told me to run, but the other conscience told me to stop thinking like a high school kid, I am in University so i must display maturity. So i walked chest up-high, looking at everyone with a lot of pride, almost telling them, "nko campus mta do", but i held on to that thought. After walking for almost thirty minutes, i had not seen anything like Kenya Poly Men Hostel. How now, have i already passed the place or have not reached. A brilliant idea clung me, stop a PSV and board until you arrive. "uniekee hostel na usinipitishe please", i commanded the conductor. Surprisingly, the reply was umefika, aaiii, how fast? I was actually two minutes to the place, but 'Ufresha made me board a matatu".
Quickly after getting a room the next thing was to take a cold, freezing shower to delude the fatigue and exhaustion. The room had two occupants and the other guy was not in, but i could see something that looked like ladies shoes. Was i sharing a room with a lady, ah that's non of my business, so i continued to remove my dirty clothes and wore a short (the "see-through" shorts given to monos in high school). After close to 5 minutes the door was wide open and shut immediately, after i turned... oh oh oh my good self, a voluptuous, deluxe, woman who qualified to become a socialite before Vera Sidika spoiled the profession. She only had a small towel round her waist barely covering the breasts and the thighs were all outside for me to enjoy the view. Abomination!!! Chineke!!this is treason, i dont wanna say it, but let me go on. She just said sasa and proceeded to change her bra and wear panties in my presence. A naive boy from shags is being introduced to porn live, i hurriedly turned on the opposite side covering my eyes wishing this devil never appears to me again. Ghafla Bin Vuu, his boyfriend, my roommate, came and without noticing me, he kissed the girl deeply. I can longer explain how offended i felt because this was unacceptable to my eyes little did i know it will soon become a trend, kwenda exile nayo. "Ufresha continued to sumbua", i laid on the bed waiting for a bell for supper. Gosh that is how i missed my first three meals, i was used to a system where the bell controls everything. aaii. this was too unfortunate because even my roommate didn't care simply because he had a girlfriend....
Ni sawa tu, pamoja tuangamize ufresha,,, in case you need part 3 and the last,, show your love by commenting and following my page #sniffa twitter handle @vinniewatz my blog vinniewatz.blogspot.com
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