It is not a wonder when you meet a two year old kid who is well conversant with kissing and making out, ouch! reality hurts, but truth be told we are in the bewitched generation. This fact got me thinking of what kind of a parent i will be because this generation is quite sharp than we think. A TV advert saying that "nakufeel mpenzi wangu, ndio maana tuatendelea kutumia condom kila wakati". Suppose my future kid floated a question directed to me in a full packed living room with my in-laws and workmates, "Daddy condom ni nini na ni yakufanya, na mbona wanasema watafeel wakifanya?". you know those endless kids' questions. That is why i am getting ready with answers and i want to help you right now to salvage you from future embarrassment. kindly follow these well thought and thoroughly researched prompts...
1. EDUCATION SYSTEM with "SWAG"
We need to accept the fact that we are in the era of technological advancement and no matter how you lie to the kid, Google will be there for him or her. Therefore, it is prudent to impact the kid with an education system that fits the current developments and that is why my house will never bear the learning charts of A for Apple B for Boy et cetera et cetera. However, this will be the official chart
2. TELL REALITY
The Bible tells us to tell the truth and it will set us free, yes in deed, truth will relieve you from the psychological torture when you lie to your kid not to shower with her sister because ghosts will haunt him. NO NO no just tell him the truth that they are two unlike poles and unlike poles attract. I believe most of you are suffering because you are in the wrong profession that your parents forced you to engage in. "Ati" become an engineer, doctor, teacher, and such nonsense, for me i categorically denounce such misleading advises and this is how i will tell my son and daughter. "Please son, become an internet hacker, hack a bank account and we will rake millions or even become a controversial blogger (who doesn't know Robert Alai and Njoki Chege), and you my beautiful daughter, kindly become a socialite, post your nudes on instagram and on twitter, bleach (oops skin light) and believe me darling you will date an oil tycoon, just ask Vera Sidika."
3. GENEROSITY
It is sad when i see my dad being served the best meal and the right quantity in the house, as we share a plate with my sister. Too bad to understand why we will collect eggs when the chicken lays during the day for Dad to come in the evening and have it in his meal solely. The moral lesson will be "mtoto akililia wembe mpe". Even when i am reading a "porn" magazine, it is good to share knowledge; hence, i will be extra generous to share. If mom is pregnant i will courageously explain the process of making her pregnant.
4. DRESS CODE
I believe most of you have been in a cross road with your parents for trying to pull out latest fashion in town. When ladies started wearing trousers it was such a degrading act and a bitter pill for parents to stomach. But look at it now, a street fashion trend, they later learnt to live with it. And that is why i will tell my daughter, "darling, by the way Rihanna has discovered a new outfit, do you mind trying it out?"....
5. OUT
Last but not least, taking kids for a day out. For me, no to Uhuru park, animal orphanage, museum or this boring recreation parks. My kids of the future will learn to go to Skyluxx, Cubano and Applebees at a very young age. They must be exposed to the world to understand how life is all about. No reading of kids story books, but magazines such as Drum and parents.
Finally follow my advice at your own risk...
@vinniewatz
No comments:
Post a Comment