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Friday 27 June 2014

Open letter to my Governor Mr. Wambora

Dear governor Wambora,

I am sorry for not placing any title before your name because I am not aware of your professionalism; to be realistic, all the governors, including aspirants, have titles such as Dr. Eng. Prof., and even bishop, but for you i really doubt whether to call you Mr. CGH (o ooh no, that belongs to Uhunye), Bishop (oops you said you attend catholic church and i know all their bishops). To avoid beating around the bush (of which there is none  coz deforestation has taken place), let me call you Mr. Bleacher....ooh sorry pole mheshimiwa that belongs to the "V" people (Vybz Kartel and Vera Sidika).  I meant the semi-impeached governor; by the way, are you the governor, former governor, ousted governor, or a ghost worker; nevertheless, i will still air my grievances.

To start with, i will refer you back to the problems facing you right now (although you try to deceive us that they affect us all. ooh no those are your own problems). Mr. Wambora i duly understand that you were accused of budgeting for money to go and study devolution in Rwanda..pretty cool, but what is Google for. Sincerely, why do you have spend millions on a trip when you can sit in the assembly hall with a projector and teleconference or tweet like the digital government promised (your are a TNA affiliate i know). Millions of my taxes all blown away to study devolution, i beg (with Niger accent) that's too much for me to handle. Never mind, it already happened, but i have a long lasting solution to the "devolution awareness program" as i will call it for now. Today someone managed to sambaza me some bundles and i "entered" twitter with my dirty, because it used to be a smartphone before they brought Samsung galaxy and iPhone. You know what Mr. Wambora, Dr. Alfred Mutua (you see he has a title), the governor of Machakos (the place to be) has made history in Africa by completing a highway in 3 months with a third of the total budget. If Mr. governor you happen to watch local TV stations, because i know you have a DSTV and you may not be interested in local programs cos they are of "low quality", and in your campaigns you promised to support talent (another big lie), you have already seen what Dr. Mutua has achieved within an year since entering office. I have never had him have squabbles with his MCA's, his electorates, senators, his party, and anyone else. If you are still reading Mr. Wambora or already snoring, lemmi "steal you a secret", Machakos is the perfect place to study devolution. I heard the highway had 11 contractors and only spent a third of the total estimated cost and only took 14 weeks, unlike in your county where the same amount bought maize seedlings that never germinated. From Embu to the city of the future is approximately 400 bob per person and i believe a room in Machakos will be utmost 1000 kenyan shillings and that will serve as a "devolution awareness program" trip. Please go study devolution in Machakos and spare our money, unless you have a different agenda.

The next thing Mr. ousted, semi-impeached governor, stop lying to us that there is any problem with Embians and Mbeerians. That is a big lie because in the grassroots level, we interact very well and i have not seen any difference among us. Whether your are impeached or not, that has nothing to do with us the below poverty level people. Condemn senator, Dr. Bonny Khwalale and his team for impeaching you, but i hear they did investigations and they had unmovable facts to validate your impeachment. Mbeere and Embu community are in total peace, love and harmony. If you have beef with speaker Justin Muturi or senator, Eng. Lenny kivuti... please do not confuse them with the whole community. By the way, i hear governors want to fly flags on their fuel consuming machines called vehicles. Are you part of this scum.. i hope not, what does a flag got to do with your status, your protruding abdomen, fat payslip, and guzzling vehicle already shows your unreachable status in the society. Lastly, barely 2 months ago we lost more than 100 people to illicit brew and unchecked manufactured alcohol. I understand that this country and county has consumer protection organization. This is not the first occasion that people have succumbed to alcohol, the only difference is that the last event surpassed #westgatemallattack in number of casualties that is why it got such an airplay. By the way people in Machakos did not loose lives, a county that exports absolutely nothing, unlike in Embu where we have the best tea in the world, coffee, seven folks, Miraa (Khat) among others. The difference is that Machakos exports their minds while we export our stupidity.

Please, I am not a supporter of your opponents because they are just like you it is only that they have not be given a chance. We saw the other day your number one hater, the Embu county speaker, being shown on national TV in a corruption scam. Politicians you are all the same, i duly hate you with the bottom of my heart. You love our short memory because we will forget in 2017 and vote you in, but for me and few others we won't. Despite the little impact we will make, I know a long journey starts with a single step and change comes in the latter. OMG i am in a cyber cafe and the session is reading 33 mins approximately to 28 shillings and i only have 32 bob. So i have to leave this premises without finishing my letter, by the way am saving to buy a laptop so that i can write you a letter at my own pace. I am very sure you will read the first sentence and say to yourself "these idiots again", but during the election am not an idiot that one i know for free. But i know you can read it after your best team in World Cup loses because you will more than bored, "i hope". Lemi stop before i am thrown out but kindly note that we need to see something in Embu. The moral lesson of this letter is that you should borrow a leaf from your neighboring county Machakos. See you again during the campaigns in 2017 for your lies again.

yours painfully,
sufferer mwenyewe Vincent,
@vinniewatz on twitter.

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