I was having an evening banter with a certain lady over a cup of coffee and she made some intriguing remarks that triggered my brain cells into jolting this down. She was telling me how its a hot season for ladies with a "focus."
Her two cents, if a lady can manage to date Waiguru's son, Wetangula's son, Wambora (Coincidentally, all these names start with a W, and the lady's name was Wanjiru or Shiru if you like) or any-other politician mentioned in a corruption saga would be like killing a bird with two stones. The lady asked me, " If Waigurus pen cost more than 8, 000 Kenyan shillings, how much do you think his son will spend on your underwear leave alone shoes, millions bruh." She whispered as she concluded her statement.
The Pope was here recently, he taught us some virtues and values that we can embrace to achieve a better country. But Kenyans are good at listening and doing completely the opposite.
CHRISTMAS,...this word sounds beautiful from the young to the elderly, it is a festive season when we gather around, have fun and celebrate, but how does it really go down in Kenya.
#1. Prices go up tremendously by what business experts will call making super normal profits, just because its Christmas. Conductors are demigods, they charge transport prices as we if we are going to heaven. Gikomba second hand clothes retailers sell their commodities at a higher price just because it is Christmas. These are just few examples, liquor is sold the same price as diamond...
#2. People visit up-country once in a year, pimped with Nairobi swag trying to show Ushago people how backward they are. Wait a minute, you have not been home for a year, but you go there for show off, with a hired car lying to people its yours, a new suit that is only worn for occasions, and shopping that is meant to scare people as you flash out Nakumatt paper bags in a place where even Naivas has not reached. Stupid enough, this kind of a guy gives orders at home, commands everyone, and even disorients the timetable at home as he wants to be treated as VIP....SHINDWE...
#3. Watu wa kuomba ten bob wakiona mtu wa Nairobi... Who told my Ushago people that money grow on trees in Nairobi? When they hear that you are around, my friend a piece of advice, run and don't just run, ESCAPE. They are well armed with borrowing skills and they clearly know you don't have a coin, so when they asks for ten bob and you give them a hundred expecting change, dude it seems your wait will be longer...
#4, Bribing the police. If there is a happy man right now in Kenya is the traffic police officer. This is the season to make millions because we will all break the traffic rules, drink and drive, drive at higher speed, drive for long distances without taking a break and all that. Mututho laws are irrelevant during this holiday, but we all have an escape route, kitu kidogo kwa polisi...
#5. Njaaanuary is coming. The month that we wish it would be scrapped off the calendar because it seems to have 45 days. Everyone is broke, hold that thought, not everyone, you remember the guys i mentioned there above, they will not be broke even for a single minute...its just us the common citizens. Reason being, we spent all of it in December, we thought it was the end of the world, endless parties, dishing cash like we are shooting a hip-hop video, taking "clandies" to Mombasa and what no. January is when auctioneers make money, imagine during December a guy was a conductor, in January an auctioneer, in November during the El nino rains he was selling umbrellas,,,,that's how people become millionaires without winning a jackpot.
#6. Last but of course not least, Kenyan men, be worried of two industries that will milk your money like squashing a banana for a baby to eat. Sport-Pesa, this is when you will place your bets in thousands expecting millions, am telling you YOTE NI VANITY. Number two, Safaricom, during December holidays we just fuel phones with credit and never mind looking at the charges, When will are high we call girlfriends for hours, we call fellow guys for a drink spoiling the budget. If you don't have credit in your phone, the higher chances are that you will save a lot this Christmas.
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