Being a "Fresha" at Campus

Was i confused or was the system confusing...

Being a fresha is one of the most disgusting thing ever introduced to humanity, why lie. Straight from my home digs, AKA., "ocha" i was headed to Nairobi with no single clue of what the city looked like. But to tell you the truth, i had visited Nairobi before, but in the most uncomfortable, disgusting, and humiliating way ever. Do you remember in high school, yea that rural high school where guys from Nairobi bombarded you with stories of how the city looks like, how cool it is, beautiful ladies, jam session, pimped "mathree", and all that nonsense (actually Nairobi's life is not cool, they lied to us). This made my appetite to visit Nairobi city grow day by day. Therefore, anytime we went for a trip maybe to the national museum, orphanage, and even Uhuru Park (we thought it was kind of a national park) we tried to squeeze our faces out through the old high-school bus windows to get a snippet view of town as the "Nairobi guys" boasted how they knew all the routes we passed through (i was envious by then). That was my trip to town prior to coming here to seek "further education", which has not helped me up to today, but gave me unlimited expectations. Although it has helped me to learn how to work under pressure, you know how we could waste the whole semester and revise for exams within a day.

Anyway, back to the fresha story that i guarantee you that it is the most embarrassing moment i have experienced, you too, i know. Upon arrival to Nairobi, my mind cascaded and whirled like 3 dimension videos on the sci-fi movies as i contemplated the new wave of life outside my shags. OMG i have never seen such tall storey buildings in my life given that the tallest building in our village is some mud houses we constructed for "burning tobacco" (that a story for another day). I was perplexed to see a green, healthy, likely to bear fruits, tall, a tree with a shade, conspicuous (i forgot the order of adjectives so any can be placed anywhere, just forgive me for now) building, which is the Afya center. "How can a building be so green, this must be a tree," i thought to myself. I proceeded to the college environs, at least i could recall the directions that i was given back at home, but believe you me those were the worst ever directions to follow, if at all you know where you are going. Imagine somebody telling you, "after you alight the "matatu" at tea room (Our stage), you "climb" up via Accra road, and see, a yellow yellow building (which i learnt later it is called Kenya archives), after reaching the yellow yellow building, face in-front and see a building called KICC, at least i had seen it on our high school trips. The next instructions were, "walk towards KICC, and upon arrival face on your left, and head straight until you see a road called haile sellasie. By now you know where i was headed to, The Kenya Polytechnic University, but it is now Technical University of Kenya, thanks to his excellency Mwai Kibaki. Although the directions were awkward, i still arrived because they say the end justify the means.

At the gate, what i say my mouth  just opened wide automatically, skimply dressed ladies and guys wrapping the ladies waist like they wrap meat at the butchery. Since  i was told that is prostitution and indecency, i wished that this guys could realize themselves (not knowing it was a matter of days before i joined the wagon). Another wonder of the world, i had never seen an influx of such people using one terminal at the same time. People were coming and going out and caused a heavy traffic at the gate. My high school minded thoughts told me that it was lunch time, people had been released for lunch, but it was at 3 in the evening. I started getting worried, this people go for lunch this late, will i survive, why don't their time table be changed. Little did i know in campus you can walk in and out any time and there was no specific time-table to govern the whole institution. I staid outside the gate for one hour waiting for a bell to ring allowing people in, but to my amazement, it never rung. Now i am confused, should i go in or not, do they have a discipline master like in the high school who might get me wandering aimlessly and pour down his wrath on me. After a battle of wits, i decided to go in "roho juu", but i walked cautiously and viewed every person  as a very mature and well-behaved person (which i learnt later it is not true, they are just a bunch of hypocrites who can sterilize the whole city when they cause chaos). A gulf of fear bombarded me until i released a little fart closing my eyes bitterly so that nobody notices, yes it is good for self-confidence and releasing tension. "hi, please, kindly show me the administration office", i asked a stranger trying to be very courteous; however, he replied with this kind of jeer that i found to be disturbing "oooo wewe ni fresha, thats why huwezi ona admin iko apo nyuma yako". It was uncouth but to be sincere, how did i fail to notice that long Que that almost reached the gate, ufresha utaniua, and the huge placard reading new students should Que here. Judging with the length of that Que, even the proverb a long journey starts with a single step, could not convince me to join it. After a little consultation, i learnt that it was headed to the dean's office where rooms were being issued. Hell broke loose, i have nowhere else to sleep other than the school rooms so i had to join them of course i couldn't beat them. OMG this long Que, long-lasting paper works and the solar, i had to do something. I had staid there for two hours, it is nearing 6:30, the offices are being closed and i have no idea where else i can sleep. I had to think quick, and quick thinking i did. I had finished learning in a high school whose mantra was scramble for the fittest, especially when serving meals because we made such long, pressing, and disturbing cues. Based on this vast experience, i had to do something with an immediate effect.


A whirl of thoughts gushed into me and within a micro-second, i was chatting with the security man at the door. "Soldier mimi nilikua kwa line apa tu, but juu ya kizunguzungu nikakaa chini pale kando, ni ruhusu niingie ni vile mi hukuwa na asthma". i simply feigned a disease to get a gate pass to the dean's office. Yes my plan succeeded, but the dean was not the most friendly person you would wish to meet... (to be continued)

vinniewatz: The never end story

vinniewatz: The never end story: I wish it never happened i wish it never ended and the way we blended i never thought it would come to a stand still giving me this kind...

Open letter to my Governor Mr. Wambora

Dear governor Wambora,

I am sorry for not placing any title before your name because I am not aware of your professionalism; to be realistic, all the governors, including aspirants, have titles such as Dr. Eng. Prof., and even bishop, but for you i really doubt whether to call you Mr. CGH (o ooh no, that belongs to Uhunye), Bishop (oops you said you attend catholic church and i know all their bishops). To avoid beating around the bush (of which there is none  coz deforestation has taken place), let me call you Mr. Bleacher....ooh sorry pole mheshimiwa that belongs to the "V" people (Vybz Kartel and Vera Sidika).  I meant the semi-impeached governor; by the way, are you the governor, former governor, ousted governor, or a ghost worker; nevertheless, i will still air my grievances.

To start with, i will refer you back to the problems facing you right now (although you try to deceive us that they affect us all. ooh no those are your own problems). Mr. Wambora i duly understand that you were accused of budgeting for money to go and study devolution in Rwanda..pretty cool, but what is Google for. Sincerely, why do you have spend millions on a trip when you can sit in the assembly hall with a projector and teleconference or tweet like the digital government promised (your are a TNA affiliate i know). Millions of my taxes all blown away to study devolution, i beg (with Niger accent) that's too much for me to handle. Never mind, it already happened, but i have a long lasting solution to the "devolution awareness program" as i will call it for now. Today someone managed to sambaza me some bundles and i "entered" twitter with my dirty, because it used to be a smartphone before they brought Samsung galaxy and iPhone. You know what Mr. Wambora, Dr. Alfred Mutua (you see he has a title), the governor of Machakos (the place to be) has made history in Africa by completing a highway in 3 months with a third of the total budget. If Mr. governor you happen to watch local TV stations, because i know you have a DSTV and you may not be interested in local programs cos they are of "low quality", and in your campaigns you promised to support talent (another big lie), you have already seen what Dr. Mutua has achieved within an year since entering office. I have never had him have squabbles with his MCA's, his electorates, senators, his party, and anyone else. If you are still reading Mr. Wambora or already snoring, lemmi "steal you a secret", Machakos is the perfect place to study devolution. I heard the highway had 11 contractors and only spent a third of the total estimated cost and only took 14 weeks, unlike in your county where the same amount bought maize seedlings that never germinated. From Embu to the city of the future is approximately 400 bob per person and i believe a room in Machakos will be utmost 1000 kenyan shillings and that will serve as a "devolution awareness program" trip. Please go study devolution in Machakos and spare our money, unless you have a different agenda.

The next thing Mr. ousted, semi-impeached governor, stop lying to us that there is any problem with Embians and Mbeerians. That is a big lie because in the grassroots level, we interact very well and i have not seen any difference among us. Whether your are impeached or not, that has nothing to do with us the below poverty level people. Condemn senator, Dr. Bonny Khwalale and his team for impeaching you, but i hear they did investigations and they had unmovable facts to validate your impeachment. Mbeere and Embu community are in total peace, love and harmony. If you have beef with speaker Justin Muturi or senator, Eng. Lenny kivuti... please do not confuse them with the whole community. By the way, i hear governors want to fly flags on their fuel consuming machines called vehicles. Are you part of this scum.. i hope not, what does a flag got to do with your status, your protruding abdomen, fat payslip, and guzzling vehicle already shows your unreachable status in the society. Lastly, barely 2 months ago we lost more than 100 people to illicit brew and unchecked manufactured alcohol. I understand that this country and county has consumer protection organization. This is not the first occasion that people have succumbed to alcohol, the only difference is that the last event surpassed #westgatemallattack in number of casualties that is why it got such an airplay. By the way people in Machakos did not loose lives, a county that exports absolutely nothing, unlike in Embu where we have the best tea in the world, coffee, seven folks, Miraa (Khat) among others. The difference is that Machakos exports their minds while we export our stupidity.

Please, I am not a supporter of your opponents because they are just like you it is only that they have not be given a chance. We saw the other day your number one hater, the Embu county speaker, being shown on national TV in a corruption scam. Politicians you are all the same, i duly hate you with the bottom of my heart. You love our short memory because we will forget in 2017 and vote you in, but for me and few others we won't. Despite the little impact we will make, I know a long journey starts with a single step and change comes in the latter. OMG i am in a cyber cafe and the session is reading 33 mins approximately to 28 shillings and i only have 32 bob. So i have to leave this premises without finishing my letter, by the way am saving to buy a laptop so that i can write you a letter at my own pace. I am very sure you will read the first sentence and say to yourself "these idiots again", but during the election am not an idiot that one i know for free. But i know you can read it after your best team in World Cup loses because you will more than bored, "i hope". Lemi stop before i am thrown out but kindly note that we need to see something in Embu. The moral lesson of this letter is that you should borrow a leaf from your neighboring county Machakos. See you again during the campaigns in 2017 for your lies again.

yours painfully,
sufferer mwenyewe Vincent,
@vinniewatz on twitter.

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